just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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