We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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