hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
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an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
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guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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