its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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