You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
