She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
