Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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