This is the prime rib incident all over again
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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