community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
