Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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