no. you can't hotbox the world.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
