I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
