I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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