it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
