So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
