Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
