My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
