yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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