nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
