I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
