I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
