gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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