You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
