forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
