Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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