I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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