I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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