it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
