apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
