How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
