My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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