I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
