She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
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Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
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Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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