I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
