and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
