summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
