My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
