The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
