Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight

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(847): Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight http://tfl.nu/3mek

Replies (17) Good night (3169) Bad night (656)
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(512): View more from Texas

Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.

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(512): Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker. http://tfl.nu/5qzf

Replies (9) Good night (910) Bad night (2985)
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(214): View more from Texas

decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?

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(214): decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!? http://tfl.nu/ozc5

Replies (31) Good night (9687) Bad night (1175)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.

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(303): Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with. http://tfl.nu/dbx0

Replies (18) Good night (4906) Bad night (1870)
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(601): View more from Mississippi

After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.

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(601): After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable. http://tfl.nu/u7w9

Replies (5) Good night (2792) Bad night (1180)
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(845): View more from New York

you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic

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(845): you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic http://tfl.nu/aiqs

Replies (4) Good night (2451) Bad night (591)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.

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(202): You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first. http://tfl.nu/24o7

Replies (3) Good night (753) Bad night (1619)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that

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(780): Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that http://tfl.nu/j30v

Replies (5) Good night (936) Bad night (552)
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(252): View more from North Carolina

I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds

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(252): I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds http://tfl.nu/g7b7

Replies (5) Good night (1042) Bad night (681)
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(585): View more from New York

just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use

(716): View more from New York

how?

(585): View more from New York

not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days

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(585): just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use (716): how? (585): not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days http://tfl.nu/m616

Replies (12) Good night (2080) Bad night (578)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.

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(605): I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with. http://tfl.nu/3qb7

Replies (5) Good night (767) Bad night (403)
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(845): View more from New York

YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE

(1-914): View more from New York

YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.

(845): View more from New York

I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER

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(845): YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE (1-914): YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING. (845): I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER http://tfl.nu/t573

Replies (7) Good night (2091) Bad night (458)
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(253): View more from Washington

it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.

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(253): it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting. http://tfl.nu/k4ds

Replies (2) Good night (639) Bad night (413)
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(425): View more from Washington

That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick

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(425): That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick http://tfl.nu/9s4e

Replies (3) Good night (739) Bad night (296)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again

(1-615): View more from Tennessee

You have a 50 50 chance

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(615): To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again (1-615): You have a 50 50 chance http://tfl.nu/kr8c

Replies (4) Good night (473) Bad night (199)

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