I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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