so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
