At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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