Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just invented taco cereal.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.