Texts From Last Night

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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.

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  (414): filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach. http://tfl.nu/edt0
  Replies (16) Good night (868) Bad night (3960)
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  (754): View more from Florida

  you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse

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  (754): you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse http://tfl.nu/okem
  Replies (14) Good night (1031) Bad night (3511)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES

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  (267): just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES http://tfl.nu/axvy
  Replies (37) Good night (8090) Bad night (858)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy

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  (814): i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45 (773): Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy http://tfl.nu/wt4o
  Replies (7) Good night (3490) Bad night (961)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.

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  (508): There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day. http://tfl.nu/fth0
  Replies (12) Good night (3256) Bad night (988)
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  (925): View more from California

  you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race

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  (925): you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race http://tfl.nu/3da3
  Replies (8) Good night (4194) Bad night (881)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.

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  (770): Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out. http://tfl.nu/a31o
  Replies (12) Good night (5059) Bad night (894)
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  (925): View more from California

  He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.

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  (925): He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept. http://tfl.nu/niyr
  Replies (23) Good night (3287) Bad night (659)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.

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  (860): I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us. http://tfl.nu/pfss
  Replies (3) Good night (1720) Bad night (946)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me

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  (864): So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me http://tfl.nu/4trs
  Replies (5) Good night (758) Bad night (1391)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!

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  (561): Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?! http://tfl.nu/98de
  Replies (13) Good night (1164) Bad night (573)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person

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  (845): Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person http://tfl.nu/riak
  Replies (15) Good night (1795) Bad night (545)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.

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  (316): I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent. http://tfl.nu/pby1
  Replies (6) Good night (1212) Bad night (488)
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  (559): View more from California

  I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right

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  (559): I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right http://tfl.nu/jxe2
  Replies (2) Good night (379) Bad night (234)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'

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  (201): well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler' http://tfl.nu/wfeh
  Replies (1) Good night (311) Bad night (391)

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