I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
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He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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