Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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