She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
