I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just invented taco cereal.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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