May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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