Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
