ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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