someone get that fucking seahorse.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
