Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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