Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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