Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
