Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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