what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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