Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
