Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
