Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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