I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
