Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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