Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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