yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
