Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize