Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
