the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
