I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
