Have you finally orgasmed yet?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
