can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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