my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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