considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
