bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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